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Why me? Why not me?

In a few past church positions, music and worship was only “part” of my title. I’ve also had youth/student ministries under my leadership too. I saw one church once looking for a Minister of Music, youth, and education…don’t know how anyone can do that when all three are full time jobs – no matter the size of the church. But that’s another sermon – er, umm, song, since I’m certainly not a preacher.

But here’s what I wanted to mention: and it involves three back stories, so indulge me a moment. The first is about me…I didn’t pay attention like I should have in college or seminary. I only paid attention the the things I “thought” I needed to know. So much more was taught that I wish I could remember…some of that being general music history and church history (I usually can’t stand history, but now I wish I knew more about it). The other parts that I didn’t pay too much attention to were the courses that taught you how to be a good minister…things to do and say that help people realize that they are important to you and the ministry you share with them. I know God has gifted me with some great musical abilities (not bragging, but recognizing). But He didn’t gift me with extrovert qualities in dealing with people. Maybe my past trials and troubles “made” me an introvert, I don’t know. But an introverted worship leader is sometimes looked down upon, not to mention being one makes it difficult to relate to people under your ministerial care. So, in the past few years, I have been comparing myself with other church music ministers and wishing I had this or that like they do. So that’s backstory #1.

#2 backstory is much more recent. I’ve been reading a few worship leader blogs that have helped me to see that I’m not the only one dealing with backstory #1 issues. A Worshipful Heart has some great stories of struggle that lead to great opportunities to minister. In her “about me” section, Jan says this, “I have a passion to see God use the pain, the joys and experiences of my life to help others draw close to Him.” A second blog I’ve been reading is Becoming Me Through Him. One particular entryshould be read by everyone who attempts to write blogs on a regular basis. This backstory #2 has helped me to see that I’m not alone in this struggle between self and the really important stuff (God, family, job, etc.)

#3 backstory is even more recent – last night recent. I have Sunday nights off from any worship service. I have a student praise team to rehearse, but then am free. So I’ve decided to try to connect even further with our student ministry. Last night was my first time to be with them under our new student pastor’s leadership. Side note, his blog’squite interesting too. He was talking to the kids about not just watching the game, but getting into the game. One point he made changed my perspective on some things. He said basically the following…”Just like a football team or baseball team, or any team, each player has his or her own position to play. They are not intended to play everyone else’s position…just theirs. In the same way, God has created you to be you…not your friend, or parent, or teacher…God wants you to be you…the you He created for a specific purpose. If you’re not you, who’s going to do what you were created to do?”

After the backstories…here’s the point: I’ve been comparing myself to other ministers and measuring my inadequacies to their abilities. I think I’ve been so busy doing that, that I’ve not been good at being “me”…the me that God wants to use for specific puposes.

Psalm 19:14: “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”

1 Corinthians 10:31: “So whether you eat or drink, whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”


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